In 2014, I started hosting friends for meals. Breakfasts, brunches, the occasional lunch, and many dinners. Although I love to cook, I often found myself feeling depleted and wanting to spend time with my loved ones.

This was a gift for me, because the social time was priceless; I’ve had the pleasure of hosting 30 meals and creating spaces for my wide variety of friends to connect. I consider myself fortunate enough to have friends who will, no matter how pressed for time, save the date for a dinner party in the middle of December, or at the end of April. I had friends pitch in by bringing ingredients, as their contribution to the meal. We’ve had planned activities, and spontaneous rounds of trivia.

2018 was much busier. Schedules were tighter, friends have moved further away, priorities have changed.

I shifted my focus away from hosting dinners because “my apartment is a mess”, or “I just don’t have the time”. But I didn’t have the time then, and to be quite honest, my apartment was more well maintained in 2014 than it may be today.

I stopped doing something I enjoyed, because I focused too heavily on myself and the implications of the event for me. Not the joy of having my friends together, meeting each other, and making new friends. Not the fun of cooking new, exciting, and challenging meals for people I truly value. I focused on these gatherings as a form of entertainment; but I missed out on good company and great memories at the expense of my ego.

2018 is almost over, so I’m going to try to reinvigorate an old tradition, not for the entertainment, but for the love I’m so grateful to receive and that I hope to give back in waves.